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Jamie Ayers is hosting a First Page Critique contest where you post your first page on your blog and then hop around to the other entrants to read and comment on their first page. Five people will receive a critique from author Heather Burch who has a debut book called Halflings. You can read Heather's interview and more information about the contest on Jamie's blog here . You have until Wednesday to email Jamie and post your first page for critiquing.
Here is my first page of MY PROTECTOR: THE CALLING
Going to the river
was forbidden. I knew this, yet it didn’t keep me from stepping off the gravel
path or walking into the field.
My heart banged against my ribs. The space in my lungs
folded in on itself. I sucked in a shallow breath, enough to nearly taste the
crisp grass beneath my feet.
Stop your
feet, Eri.
The early moonlight sparkled off the few remaining
patches of snow, even it knew better than to dwell there.
A gong sang out across the village, ringing through my
insides. The warning bell.
Half way between the nearest cluster of cabins and the
safety border, I glanced over my shoulder to find the dark smudges of people
fleeing for refuge, their shouts dying across the distance growing between us.
I should have turned back. But the charcoal sky and inky river invited
me forward.
An overwhelming
need tumbled and collided like the rapids crashing against rock. Conflicting thoughts swirled through my head and I reached up to
steady myself, squeezing my eyes shut against the confusion. I pressed
my hands over my ears, begging the pounding inside to leave me alone. “Please stop, please stop, please stop,
please stop, please stop—”
A current of adrenaline flooded my core. The blood
tsunami in my veins propelled my legs faster, rushing through the forbidden, content
to ruin me. My brain searched for one sane thought, something to stop my
muscles from carrying me out there.
Suicide. This
is suicide.
Something broke
through the tree line. Blurry with speed, eerily dark within the dusk, features
impossible to decipher.
A blanket of anger draped over my world, muffling
sound, wrapping me in rage.
What did you think? Any feedback would be awesome, thank you!!!
