Summer is here in the lovely Washington, but I wouldn't know it. I've been hibernating behind my laptop, pounding out Pigeon's story, so lost in her mind at times an hour or two can pass without a thought about my own world. Until one of my children need something, like food or a band aid. I look around for my husband. Am I really expected to be a mother and a writer? What world are they living in? Seriously though, they've all been super supportive of my reclusive writing. My husband tells me to go write while he takes the kids to visit grandparents, plays outside, even goes to the beach without me. Trust me, this is a big step for him and I'm glad they're getting extra bonding time with just Dad.
But the other day, they were getting on their bikes and didn't even ask if I wanted to join them.
What have I done?
Have I become such a writer my family no longer expects me to be part of the fun? The memories?
I'm very proud of myself for writing Birds of a Feather in one month. However, it eats me up inside to think I must sacrifice one thing for another, afraid to step away mid scene fearing I won't find my way back into Pigeon's emotions. I'm coming to realize, the writer in me has grown. The connection I feel for this story is strong. I can find her when I need to.
Hopefully, after a little breather, when it's time to edit, I won't be grounded from my computer :)
Happy writing :)
*hugs* It must be difficult trying to find that perfect balance, but you will find it! <3
ReplyDeleteI honestly do not know how writers with children do it! (I don't have a family.)
ReplyDeleteBut from what I've "seen" of you in the bloggerverse, Hope, I'm sure you will find the "write" balance and both worlds will flourish. Plus, you're teaching your children an important lesson: Go for your passion. You can make it happen!
Hugs!
That balance is tough. I find that if I'm at home, the kids will want to bother me. Even if dad is there to help with whatever it is. And then when they're not home, which has rarely happened, it feels so strange. But you're right that they need time alone with the other parent. And you need time to yourself. To do things for yourself, whether that's writing or whatever. And you can't feel guilty about it--even though I do to sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem. People ring me up all the time because they know I won't be doing anything. If I'm writing they'll know I can easily be persuaded to stop. That balance is definitely a hard one to find.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to balance, isn't it? I want to spend every free second with my daughter but sometimes the WIP is all I can think about and even when I'm with her I am distracted. It makes me feel terrible! It's tough to be a mom and a writer!
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad! After you do the first draft a break is needed. Two weeks (or more) of undivided Mommy attention time! And really, you're a step ahead because you feel guilty about it. Imagine if you didn't? If you were like, meh what are you gonna do? Then I'd be worried about you. ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, I so know how you feel! It's so hard to try and do everything, isn't it? ;) My guess is you're doing a better job of balancing it than you give yourself credit for. Moms are always hard themselves. And I bet your kids will think it's awesome that you wrote a book! It's good for them to see you working hard on something that's important to you. :)
ReplyDeleteArgh, I get this. I finally finished my rewrite and am sending it off to betas today. For the last week I've been saying, "Finish it! Then you can spend time with the kids." They've been really great, but sometimes I feel like the world's worst mother. Some days I probably am. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't have any kids to look after yet, but I don't know how I'd do it if not for the support of my girlfriend. She helps me in more ways than I could possibly list! It makes me feel a little guilty sometimes, especially when it's time to pay her back with my time and attention and I'm feeling torn between my personal life and the writing desk. So I'm feeling you on this one, even if I don't have any little ones tugging at my ankles.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
J.W.
There's always a sacrifice to be made. Just as long as the sacrifice is rewarded (you spending more time with the kids afterwards) they usually accept it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were younger the only rule I set them was they had to give me a moment to finish what I was writing (sentence or paragraph) and then they could have my attention.
Oh, that's really hard. I have a little one. I take the initiative and do things like say "if you're good for an hour, we can go to the park/zoo/whatever." I write furiously, she colors like crazy, and then we go to the park and she gets all of my attention.
ReplyDeleteIt's a work in progress though. Good luck.
I understand, and feel the same way some days! I felt so guilty I started setting my alarm for 5:30 every morning so I could actually milk an extra hour out of the day. It's been working great... but then when the kids are up and need me I'm in a zone that's doubly hard to leave. If you ever learn the secret to the balance, let me know!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on being so in love with your story. I can feel it when you write about Pigeon, and that's something to be proud of even as you band your head on the table feeling guilty.
Congrats on writing in one month. But when you have finished and are setting it aside, you'll be less in the cave. Sounds like you have a lovely supportive family! :)
ReplyDeleteI know my dear - I know! Sometimes I wish my husband could play a more active role at time and be more supportive. Instead i get the stink-eye and vow that he will pay when I finally sign a publishing contract! LOL. Okay- it's not THAT bad.
ReplyDeleteHang in there though. They're going to be so proud of you!
I seriously don't know how parents do it. You should be SO PROUD of yourself Hope. When I have kids, I will be looking to all you wonderful mom writers for how this is done :)
ReplyDeleteYeah - I had one of those moments earlier in the summer. I got a little jealous that they just went to Daddy. I'm the go-to one! The other night my six year old told me he couldn't go to bed because he had to finish his blog. What am I teaching them, right? I think some days we have to give in to the story, but then try to balance it the next day with giving in to the kids. That's my current plan of attack, at least. :)
ReplyDeleteOh I feel like that all the time. Like I'm missing out. But time with just Dad is good. And it's not always like that. So it's good that you get to take a break from the computer and then dive back in for edits.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote the whole thing in one month?!?! Wow, I'm seriously jealous. And yay for the writing growth!!
ReplyDeletecongrats on your progress! but something else always suffers...my family is pretty laid back, so i dont miss activities, when they happen. my housework suffers most =) it's all priorities, reward yourself w/family time after reaching a goal
ReplyDeleteIf you live in western Washington, it looks like we're finally going to get the high temperatures we haven't seen in a couple years.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting some support, so you have writing time. But I feel left out of the fun sometimes too!
ReplyDeleteI really admire the writers who have a day job PLUS family to take care of! At least you are blessed with a supportive spouse! I'm sure that helps...
ReplyDeleteAw, but think about all the time you have between bouts of writing.
ReplyDeleteI love writers who do more than just write. I wish I could give it all up and write, but we need to do other things. I love Washington and your blog!
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is that I'll put all this time into writing and nothing will ever come of it. That will suck regardless, but it will sting so much more because I'll regret the family time I sacrificed for it. One of my two year old's most proficient three word phrases right now is "Get up please" when I'm behind the computer and he wants me to play. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs someone privileged enough to be reading that WIP of yours you whipped up in a month, let me say for sure that your time spent writing it was no waste!!! It's spectacular!