Thursday, December 8, 2011

Brenda Drake's Blogfest Contest

Can you guess my character's age?

Going to the river alone is forbidden, especially at this hour.  Knowing this clear-cut rule of our people wasn’t enough to stop me from stepping off the gravel path and walking deep into the vacant field.  I no longer controlled my body.
Adrenaline thrummed inside me as I drifted closer to the water.  Heat slithered through my limbs.  White-hot anger burned in my belly.  If it was even anger churning there.  I had never felt anger creeping through my veins before.  Whatever this was, it pulled me toward the unknown.
I didn’t belong here.  I knew better.  I should run in the opposite direction, back to our village.  But I could not turn away.  With each step into the darkness, the foreign emotion intensified, guiding me forward.  I surrendered to the aggression.  I had no choice. 
I heard the warning bell like everyone else.  My people fled for safety into the closest shelter possible.  Not me. 
A few more steps and I would see the river through the trees if the waning light consented.  The coursing water rushed along mirroring my heightened flow of adrenaline.  The sensory overload amplified, the calling grew louder and became hypnotic, driving me like a machine, steering me down a path I would not otherwise take. 
I should not be here.
The bell clanged again, this time with faster frequency.  I froze.  The hammering in my chest felt as if my heart would burst through my rib cage and continue onward without me.

Thanks Brenda Drake for this fun blogfest contest!  Check out her blog at   Brenda Drake Writes...under the influence of coffee  for more information and to read the other entries!


  1. Hmm, that's a hard one. I think I'd guess 16-17? Nice beginning btw. Why is bell going off, and what is by that darn river???

  2. I'm going to go with 13. And now I really want to read the rest of the book!

  3. I know! I know!

    But I won't give it away :)

    I love your opening! Awesome intensity, and now I'm having withdrawals from reading your ms. You should just send it over again so I can read it all over. :)

  4. I'm going with 16. I love this beginning! I'd definitely read more.

  5. I thought 16 because of the curfew, but the language becomes more adult as I kept reading...hmmm?

    Good luck and keep writing!

  6. I'll say 17, which apparently is my fall-back guess for everyone. :) It feels like YA though. I'd love some concrete details in this first section. I like the drama, but it's a little vague. Good luck!

  7. I'd say 20. She doesn't quite sound like a teen to me.

  8. At first I was thinking "I've read this before"..DUH! It's on your blog, of course I read this! Anyway...I really love the opening. Lots of tension and leaves you wanting to know what happens next. I'm guessing 17 because she is worried about being out when she shouldn't but sounds too mature and aware to be younger.

  9. This is awesome! Well done! I'm going to guess 17?

  10. I couldn't get a good sense of it either... logically, sounds like 16-ish, but the *voice* feels older, like 18-19-ish

  11. Wow. This is an intense beginning that really drew me in. I'll put him at 17 based on his feelings of not belonging, coupled with his bravery. Someone younger would have turned back at the warning bell.

    One thing, the feelings he describes in the second paragraph are a bit much. Maybe keep it down to one so that we don't get too caught up in his self awareness and lose the action going on around him.